Hop Fight: The Authoritative Guide to the Drunken Sport Even a Child Can Play (2nd Edition)
The sport that has captivated millions worldwide—or perhaps exists only in fevered imagination—finally gets the definitive guide it deserves.
This meticulously reconstructed second edition (the first was tragically lost to fire) offers the most comprehensive treatment ever published on hop fight: the ancient art of one-legged combat that may be humanity's oldest sport, its most elaborate hoax, or something beautifully in between.
Inside this 17,000-word mock-academic masterpiece, you'll discover:
The Complete Rules & Tactics – From basic "Circling" maneuvers to advanced techniques like "The Dervish" and "The 360 aka The ACL," learn the strategies that separate champions from those who can't stay upright for more than a few seconds.
A Controversial History – Did hop fight begin with Vikings in 10th-century Amsterdam? Mayan one-legged gods? A drunken psychology conference in Boise, Idaho? Sports historian Kevin Martin investigates centuries of one-legged mythology across cultures—from Brazilian trickster spirits to Japanese umbrella monsters—building a case that this sport has been hiding in plain sight for millennia.
The Philosophy of Balance – Discover why hop fight offers "a middle path" in unbalanced times, combining physical competition with meditation on equilibrium, empathy, and authentic connection. It's part sport, part spiritual practice.
Training & Preparation – Master unconventional conditioning methods including "Traveling Beast" core work, "Nasal Stretches" for flexibility, and "Victory Stance" for stamina. Learn why serious competitors avoid burning hair within seven miles of their home and why many stand in front of electrical outlets before matches.
The Glorious Tradition of Foot Baths – Explore the tender post-match ritual where victors wash their opponents' feet, fostering the tight-knit community that makes hop fight more than just a sport.
Fantasy Hop Fight & Hoptermetrics – Track wins/losses, time on foot, stillness-to-hop ratios, and the elusive "Oohs and Ahhs" metric that measures crowd enthusiasm.
10 Original Illustrations – Commissioned artwork brings the sport to life, from cliff-edge dangers to Zoom matches during COVID to the proper execution of "Circling."
Written in the deadpan style of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and featuring fictional authors S. Pluck and P. MacCruiskeen (characters borrowed from Flann O'Brien's The Third Policeman), this book treats absolute nonsense with scholarly rigor—creating sophisticated absurdist literature that rewards close reading while remaining wonderfully accessible.
Whether you're a curious newcomer wondering if any of this could possibly be real, a battle-scarred veteran seeking redemption, or simply someone who appreciates humor that makes you question what you're reading, Hop Fight delivers an unforgettable experience that's part comedy, part philosophy, and entirely committed to its premise.
The book has been reviewed and approved by The International Federation of Hop Fight (IFOHF).
Find balance. Stay on your good foot. The future depends on it.
